Am I really here? Am i invisible? Is this just a dream? Do I speak a strange language that only I understand! I feel so isolated at time like no one can hear or see me! Then I sink into depression, anxiety attack, confusions as to why I kept hitting barriers no matter which way I turn! it seems i am better at writing what i am feeling then speaking about it since at that time I get tongue tied, nervous and get overwhelm very easily which in term the message gets blurry like my vision does at time ha hah!
I finally figure out why i can't get my message through about my health and it has cause many frustration and depression! I have tried many time to contact all the resources i have tap into but with no result for an outcome! It had left me lost for answers. I have been suffering from Botulism Toxin and can't seem to find anyone that can help me!
It (reactions)started in August 2008 and since then it seem like every time I have a ray of hope the door slam before me! Back in 2009 and on I tried to reached out to many press and talk shows since they have better resources than i do and have access to Forensic science but never heard back from them after sending a email for help on their website in the area of 'Have a idea for a show" or "Tell us your story"something to that effect!
It had me baffled since I think this i not a normal occurrence and was sure that someone would have some interest, boy was I wrong! It's like I have been left on my own to figure out how and when will I ever get my answers! I guess I can see their skepticism since many people fake cancer and diseases but this is not the case! At one point I got so desperate that I ask my former doctor to take a sample of my tongue to get it tested and refuse since he told me even a small sample would impaired my speech! The taste is so nasty that I was sure they would find it in there! If someone would give me a chance to help me get the testing that is required they would not be sorry and would be a breakthrough since this could also help in other cases! It has never been about just me since this is bigger than I am and have no control how it affect me!
There are so many reactions that can be medium to severe and trying to explain them I get lost, confuse and very easily overwhelm cause there is so much going on that my emotions bubble ups! I get very emotional confuse and start crying! I think this is where communication start to break down since the more I try to explain these reaction I get a look like I am speaking a different language and that is when the frustration run high! This explain why at every turn it seem I take one step forward then I go three steps back and get lost in my explanation!!
Trying to make sense of what is going on, the more confuse i get! My heart specialist told me that not much has change but now is thinking that my reaction (nerves system) might be putting pressure and causing the sensitivity around the heart and the heart itself! That does not surprise me since I feels my nerves pulling every which way and the body temperature could rise up faster than I can blink!
Despite these obstacles, in reality that's what they are, I remain positive that someday someone will notice that I do desire my answers that i am seeking, I am not a waist of time! In reality it could help doctors to truly understand how truly severe these reactions can get and not every one dies as a result! Some of us has to live with the consequences for the rest of our life while the persons whom inflicted this pain on me is doing the same right to someone else now as we speak! Scary though isn't it but very real! This does not leave the body since it is injected in the nerve system and in turn cause havoc on your body and sometime the mind!
For a long time I felt rejected and victimize by the mass! Recently I came to the realization that it was me all along! As a result I got frustrated and put up a wall because I was having a hard time with my words or on how I used them!It was time to be brutally honest with myself and confront my fear. I don't know how to explain myself properly and it's not my fault because the reactions cause this! I have no control on how and when my nerves system will affect me! It's time to ask for help and not be afraid of how they see me or what they think of me! All that matter is that the truth is reveal so doctors can truly understand how this poison attack a nerve system and in turn be able to identify it when a patient tell them their symptom that all tests that are available are unable to find!
Disillusionment is generally painful and confusing and I learn to get pass the disappointment and hurt that I felt and forgive the skeptics! Only time will give us the answer!
Lately low and behold I came across an episode on "Forensic files call "Bad Medicine" so I listen intently and took notes! With great excitement when I saw the kind of testing they did on the patient and was able to discover that she was being poison with arsenic poisoning! With the strain of hair they where able to identify it and even able to say when it was administered and also when it stop and how much she was given &how much is still remaining in the system! Now that is amazing! Wow! that got my blood pump and excited! So I searched for Dr Constantino and found the labs since I miss that part on the episode! Also in another episode of Forensic file they where also able to examine ashes and determine that the person was poison! Geez so many amazing research with dramatic result! No wonder I am so excited at the prospect of finally getting my answer!
Details, details but they are important and sometime necessary step to go through to try and get the desires result! I wrote to Dr. Constantino at the DrugScan labs and ask for his help in this matter! I am hoping that they can use the same technique as they use on the patient on that episode! I am fully aware that they are very busy with many cases I am waiting patiently for a reply! I attach a copy to this blog! here is the content of the letter sent on Friday, July 4, 2014 10:59 AM!
Dear Dr Anthony Constantino,
I have been searching and doing research for the almost six years now to find out if there is a test out there that can detect Botulism toxin in my system! I underwent Botox injection treatment for pain from 2004 to 2008 and during the four years I was injected with 81 Vials of Botox for pain! It was injected in both side of the neck, across both shoulder blade down the back and across the lower back! I started out with four vials which was then increase to five then when it reach six my body totally rejected it and almost died as a result! As a result I have lost part of my sense of smell and taste and left me with a chemical taste in my mouth that is nauseating 24/7!! My pain management doctor at the time told me that there is no way to detect it in my system and no way to know that this is what I am suffering from!
When I first started reacting the first thing that went was my sense of smell and taste not to mention all the other symptom that I have to deal with on a daily basis! Like swelling, blurriness, double vision, burning sensation all through my body like someone lit it on fire! It cause chemical burn on my hands witch as a result I can't properly used because of the sweating and burning and when I carried any groceries bags I have to use my wrist which is getting really sore for putting so much pressure on them! There is so much more but the form I previously sent you have all the symptom that my body goes through!
I started watching shows like CSI, Cold case file and lately my favorite Forensic files! I figure that one of these days my prayers will be answered and there you where*:) happy I was watching a episode on Forensic file called "Bad Medicine" where this lady Debera Pignato was being poison with arsenic poisoning! The test was done with hair strand! You could imagine how excited I was that finally there might be a way to detect Botox in my system!
That is why I am writing to you to see if there is some hope for me that the test can revealed the truth! Botox as became big for pain management and I want to warn people to be careful when it come to that poison! I even been writing blogs on blogger about it because I don't want anyone else to go through what I am going through!
I have days where my brain is completely mush and can't function normally because of confusion! Also at time part of my body goes into dead weight where I can't barely move, that is when my nerves system is burning&stiff which gets very itchy and did a bad number on my nails since the itch most time would end up bleeding! Cutting my nails did not help so now I barely have and as a result of bitting them!
I go into dehydration for days because of that chemical taste in my mouth and not long ago I went down to 80 pound which scare the heck out of me! Been slowly getting some of it back but most time will loose more than I gain! I could go on and on since it does quite a number on me! Let me just say that me and my doctors try to find solution for that nasty taste and the only thing that come close to neutrolizing the taste is a cigarette how weird is that considering I stop smoking for six years prior to that! I have included pictures!
The FDA was notified when I first started reacting and they assign me case number#1002754US and also I resend you the Health Canada copy accompanied with Allergan response to my previous family physician!!
I am hoping that you can help me with my medical case so that the doctors and anyone that needs help in getting answers might be able to get them!
You and your team have done great strive in forensic science and came out with some great breakthrough and I am hopeful that you can help me to get the answer that I need!
Thank you so much for your time and patience and looking forward to hearing from you!
Much respect, sincerely,
Lise Latulippe
Here is their website if you are interested in what they are all about:
http://www.drugscan.com/leadership-team/dr-anthony-costantino.html
I was told many times that they are not test to detect this poison(BOTOX) in my system but I would not let anyone tell me it's impossible! I refuse to believe that and continued searching! Not in this date and ages I say! Science has come a long way and forensic can detect what all other test has missed! Now that looks like a promising and wonderful tomorrow to wake up to:-)
For a long time I have battle to try to get my weight up just to see it disseminate when i go in severe reactions since my body dehydrated for days at a time! That mean the temperature of my body is high!,Ears face& throat swelled up so much that i am barely able to pass food or water in my system! The taste in my mouth is like a chemical bitter acidly taste that gets me intoxicating and more nauseated than usual! It feel like i just got stung on the tongue and every thing get numb, burn, tingling, itchy and irritating and feel like someone pulling on my tongue and all part start to swell which cause breathing problem, that is when my heart start beating so fast it feel like it is going to pop out of my chest! That is when i start to meditate since my whole body start to shake and feel like a dead weight and i can no longer function like I normally do. Brain start to go mush and all other reactions follow! Blister, burn in my mouth and other part of my body and final result is peeling! When my eyes swell up I have sticky yellowish soft and sometime clear and hard liquid that blurs my visions result burn, sting, irritated,itchy! The areas where the injecting site are always irritating burning and itchy to a point where I damage my skin from scratching so much! Geeez I don't have any nails, suprise me at the damage I cando to myself with scrathing! My granddaughter told me that when I go through severe reaction i look ashen and drain. Told her to not worry it is temporary and that I am dehydrating and eventually it will pass!I could go on and on so I will put you the sheet with all my reactions on here!
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The good part is that i am finally up to 90 pounds from 80 pounds! (I added a recent Photo included) I used to eat very healthy but now the only thing I can stomach to some extent is chicken! But because of the sensitivity of my mouth and teeth I stay away from junk food! Find Attach copy of my dentist testimony to the sensitivity above:-) That was not helping much so I started eating lots of junk food like chips, pops, candy and lots of Mr Noodles and it got to be chicken flavor and I am finally seeing result but now I have to be careful since my cholesterol was high previously but haven't got it check recently!
Survival is my number one priority and right now i am very content where I am! My family has been very loving and supportive and never doubt it me for a minute since they know me better than anyone! That has made it a bit easier to deal with this and worth going through so that someday my story can help someone else! That is my greatest hope, my biggest fear is that the truth might not come till later! Which is why I instruct my children to donate my nerve system so they can learn and study how it affect the body!
Please sign my petition
http://www.change.org/petitions/the-college-of-physicians-and-surgeons-of-ontario-and-canada-i-would-like-a-better-process-regarding-patients-complaints?share_id=mKYlVKijjJ&pe=pce
Have a great day:-)
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