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Sunday, October 26, 2014

What I felt like when I started these reactions called Botulism Toxin!

Recently going through my archive I found the first letter that I sent to Diane a nurse at the pain clinic where I was getting my Botox injection! And also was my first post on MySpace about these reactions! So I though that this explain a lot more then than I can now and wanted to share it with my readers! Here it is,
Date: Saturday, January 3, 2009, 1:02 PM

Hi Diane,
Yesterday I got a call from Muriella about why I was not going to the clinic anymore..I told her that right now we are conducting some test to find out what is going on. Remember back then when I ask Dr Chudnow why I was in so much pain, I was freaking out because I had no idea what was happening to me. Well let me describe to you what I have been going through this past months. i did not want to mention it until I get my test back but maybe we can make some kind of sense at what is happening right now. You see beside feeling more pain then usual, my face from my eyes down is kinda numb. I have lost my sense of smell and taste. Everything I drink taste like foul or bad taste, like  milk will taste sour and water taste and smell like the soured or dirty fish tank. Everything I eat tasted soured or if it is meat it tasted raw, that explain my weight loss. Now as a result I have to force feed myself cause I cannot afford to loose any more weight.and by doing so after a few bites my stomach is in pain more than usual. My tongue is always tingling or numb and once in awhile it's like a chemical is release from within it causes my face to totally tingle and my eyes becomes really red and burning, it makes me feel like I am high. It feels my body is releasing acid or Novocaine around my facial area right down to the bottom of my buttock. When that happens I touch my face and it feels like plastic is the only way to described it and the rest of my body feels like I am being spanked with a whip, it sting and burns. I also am having a hard time with my vocals, when I talk I can no longer raise my voice cause it feels like I am forcing them and it hurts my lungs and stomach when I speak. You witness yourself what I looked like back then and it seems to be getting worse as time passes. I first I thought maybe it was the freezing I was getting that was having that effect of numbness in my face and surrounding of my body, but after staying away I realize it is long terms effects and that is why I was freaking out that day. I was hoping she could shed some light on what was happening to me. When she was unable to answer some of my questions I went to my family doctor who at first brushes it off at maybe some kind of stress. But what made me realized what was happening with my sense of smell and taste, I decided to have coffee with coffee mate instead of cream and realized that it tasted sour, there is no way powder can't taste that way and that was back in November. And that is what convince me to get my doctor to take further tests recently. I am waiting for a kidney and liver result soon and will have a PFT done on the 29 of January and also have taking some chest x-ray. Diane I feels like someone else has taken over my body and I have no control of what is happening and that is what got me so scared. I am glad I was able to calm down and take a step back to try and figure out what is happening to me, it almost like I am being poisoned from the inside and can't sake this acidly stingy  numbness feeling.. I hope you understand and not sure if I explained it in a way for you to understand what is going on with me, just know that I feel like I am constantly high and more so when this chemical is release. Now dealing with the pain is a real challenge and now to have dealt with this for a few month now makes it practically impossible. My pharmacist and I was talking and she mention how pale I look. I seen Dr Shams yesterday but he did not check my blood pressure but when I went to the pharmacy I felt very weak and decided to take  my blood pressure at the pharmacy and it was 78/55 and my heart was at 88.. Does that seems low to you for blood pressure, she had a concern look on her face and told me to talk to Dr Shams. I don't think it has ever been that low. Now you see why I need to find some answer and why I was so reluctant on saying anything except for the pain. I thought as time passed the symptoms would go away, boy that was a rude awakening for me..Sometime I feel like my body is shutting down, hopefully we can find out what is happening and maybe reversed some of these effects, but at this time I am holding little hope. This has been lingering for quite some time going as far back as last summer, but the freezing and the BOTOX was masking what was really happening inside my body making it difficult to pinpoint the problem..I also feel a constant burning and pain in my stomach and sometime when I drink or eat it feels like it is floating between the top of my stomach and my throat., Like I said there is so much going on and trying to explain all of this is difficult and I might even forget to mention other symptoms. This is how messy my body is turning out to be. Also I am having breathing problem, my lungs feels like it has to grasp for air all the time, the last PFT I had showed a 10% improvement, not sure these will be the same result this time. Love you  and respect you so much and  became such a wonderful and compassionate friend, I did not want to upset you and that is why I kept some of these symptoms to myself. She was unable to answer then back then and neither was my doctor for that facts. These test will help me understand hopefully what is going on. Will keep you posted.
Have a great day 😃

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